He's Just Not That Into Me

Allow me to wallow in my pity and tell you my sad tale.

It's a story of girl meets boy, they get along, they go out, they become friends, one "secretly" falls for the other, the 'courting' continues and BAM!
One stays single, while the other- not so anymore.

Also, single one finds out via Facebook. 

Disapponted? Yes. Sad? Yes. Ego a little hurt? Yes.
There's not much for me to do but to write about it now, if anything just to really get it out of my system. Write and think- to try and analyse where it is that I'm going wrong. I mean, I am who I am at the core of things and I don't believe in changing yourself for someone (especially if it's only to please).
But why is it that I feel I push away these suitors? Or am I driving them away?

Let me begin by saying I've always considered myself a cynic. 
Now I'm teeter-tottering between cynic and romantic. You guys, it isn't an easy feat. Especially when you meet the nice and rare kind. Part of me plays hard to get and falls onto serious mode, while the other is dying from too many feels and wanting to live all she has read and seen (hot and steamy sex scenes included, because, c'mon...).

Sense of humour, some basic similar interests, loving, caring, smart.
Oh, and bilingual.
Am I being too picky?

I feel like a mixture between the female version of Raj (from The Big Bang Theory) and Jess (from New Girl). I get nervous around guys, especially if I feel they show interest. And I'm either really quiet or really weird. Or both. 
I have no problem with that, only, my head will start telling itself that I'm awkward, that the whole situation is awkward and make it all a little messy.

This is life though.
Learning to love yourself and others. Giving unconditionally. Making mistakes, taking risks, getting hurt, serendipity, and being ready.

Well, I don't think I've ever been more ready.

There. It has been written. And life does go on.

Because I honestly believe, when something is meant to be, it will be.
In the meantime, I've got a wonderful bunch of friends and some self-loving to do.

Plus, I've got this little buddy to keep me company! 

"You are worth the adoration. You're worth it. And the fact that you don't believe it has nothing to do with whether it's true or not." - happythankyoumoreplease