The white page is still one of my most feared enemies. It's been ages since I've written (here or for my sake, etc etc) but it's been at the tip of my brain and fingertips, gnawing at me. I open up a page- a document- and zip. I freak out and immediately turn my mind to something else.
And there's SO much to say. There are so many ideas in my head just waiting to be let out.
Right now it's 6 in the afternoon in what was a sunny Campeche a couple of hours ago, but now is cloudy and cooling off with some rain.
I worked with some kids most of the morning and looking forward to some yoga time soon. These yoga folks I've just met yesterday, but they are pretty nice and welcoming.
Even thunder is an excuse to distract me from writing...
Why Campeche, you ask? Well, it was offered to me and I had nothing to lose (and nothing better to do)... And because what's better than traveling and staying busy to get over a heart break, am I right?
That's me being crazy in the city center cathedral (in other words, me being me).
I'll get back in the hang of blog writing- I know I at least have one reader (Maria, I'm looking at you hehe).
So. Happy Tuesday Evening (or Wednesday morning or whatever you day you're living).
This is what I've felt like for a while now. Ironically, this flat tire (last week) broke me down (no pun intended) even further.
It's weird. I feel like I'm in a relapse of some sort. I was doing very well for a record time (months!) and I just hit rock bottom. I'm trying to be optimistic, thinking this is just a step back to make a grander stride forward.
These negative thoughts flood out my brain, suddenly I'm treading on mud and everything is hazy, distant. I start feeling useless and like nothing I do is good enough or even worth it; the "mean me" takes over every situation and ruins it- the worst part is, I believe it. And it's so hard to get out of that hole. I keep crying at the oddest times and places; everything hurts. The air is thick and it weighs me down. I'm an emotional wreck and because of that, I feel even worse being around people- who wants to hang out with someone falling?
And then I take a couple of deep breaths and remember to take it all moment by moment. Little by little. It eases the pain but I can't shake away the suffering. Feeling too much or too little/nothing at all, neither is good. Neither works. And neither bring me back to reality.
I know this is temporary and there is a way out (I've been here before and know it gets better) but some days it's just so hard, it seems impossible.
Putting this out in the open somehow eases the burden; so if you've been reading- thanks. A lent ear is all it takes sometimes.