He's Just Not That Into Me

Allow me to wallow in my pity and tell you my sad tale.

It's a story of girl meets boy, they get along, they go out, they become friends, one "secretly" falls for the other, the 'courting' continues and BAM!
One stays single, while the other- not so anymore.

Also, single one finds out via Facebook. 

Disapponted? Yes. Sad? Yes. Ego a little hurt? Yes.
There's not much for me to do but to write about it now, if anything just to really get it out of my system. Write and think- to try and analyse where it is that I'm going wrong. I mean, I am who I am at the core of things and I don't believe in changing yourself for someone (especially if it's only to please).
But why is it that I feel I push away these suitors? Or am I driving them away?

Let me begin by saying I've always considered myself a cynic. 
Now I'm teeter-tottering between cynic and romantic. You guys, it isn't an easy feat. Especially when you meet the nice and rare kind. Part of me plays hard to get and falls onto serious mode, while the other is dying from too many feels and wanting to live all she has read and seen (hot and steamy sex scenes included, because, c'mon...).

Sense of humour, some basic similar interests, loving, caring, smart.
Oh, and bilingual.
Am I being too picky?

I feel like a mixture between the female version of Raj (from The Big Bang Theory) and Jess (from New Girl). I get nervous around guys, especially if I feel they show interest. And I'm either really quiet or really weird. Or both. 
I have no problem with that, only, my head will start telling itself that I'm awkward, that the whole situation is awkward and make it all a little messy.

This is life though.
Learning to love yourself and others. Giving unconditionally. Making mistakes, taking risks, getting hurt, serendipity, and being ready.

Well, I don't think I've ever been more ready.

There. It has been written. And life does go on.

Because I honestly believe, when something is meant to be, it will be.
In the meantime, I've got a wonderful bunch of friends and some self-loving to do.

Plus, I've got this little buddy to keep me company! 

"You are worth the adoration. You're worth it. And the fact that you don't believe it has nothing to do with whether it's true or not." - happythankyoumoreplease


"Hard work beats talent when talent doesn't work hard."


It's been a month or so since I signed up to receive Notes from The Universe* and they never fail to make me stop and think what it is I truly want. Most importantly, what I want is attainable and worth it.

So, work hard it is. 
I might fail today and tomorrow and next week, but I will eventually get to where I want to be.

Let this be a reminder to you all that dreams can become a reality.


*Because if the universe can't motivate you, I don't know what can.
  -> http://www.tut.com/ <- p="">


The Monday Blues

I'm still in a slump or lull that I can't shake off.
I have no desire to go to school...
And now that I'm no longer on my period (tmi?) I feel like eating healthy again, so, that's a plus.

Puppies and BFFs are the best remedy for the Monday Blues.

Laura's  ( The Blue Eyed Night Owl ) latest post has inspired me to do the same and post up some of my June goals.

+ Finish reading Peyton Place and read a Dashiell Hammett novel.
+ Write more blog posts
+ Get creative in the kitchen
+ Set goals and work toward them
+ Start apartment hunting

I leave to Brazil in a month and a bit, which I'm also really excited about.
I could use a change of scenery. 


It Ain't Easy Being Green

Or an Actor. It's tough.

I remember watching a play next to my dad and him asking, "So, where's the prompter?"
I scoffed, feeling outraged, and said, "You learn the lines. There's no one there telling them what to say..."
He was surprised. He really had no idea! I wondered how many people thought the same or had the same misconceptions of acting.

People forget all the hard work behind it is made to look easy.
Like ballet. 

It takes practice. It takes courage. It takes many mistakes.
And it never ends, as with every art.
It's an on-going process.

As of last year I have had doubts about my being an actor. Not because I don't deem it a respectable profession or am worried about financial stability- rather... I don't know if I believe in myself in that respect. Yes, I have confidence issues, but it goes beyond that now.

One thing is certain: The Arts are my life.
I want to create. I want to work with artists. I want to surround myself with creative-ness. With creatives.
I just don't know if this is the path for me. At least, on stage.

What was once a passion of mine is now becoming a hobby. I know I'm pretty good at some things, but it just doesn't seem to do it for me anymore. I found myself thinking, "When I finish this course, I can get to doing what I really want."
But what is that what?

I haven't given myself the time or chance to write- I've been putting it off because I'm afraid of the usual. 
Afraid it won't be good. Afraid it won't work.
But it's the only thing I think about, so it has to mean something, right?

Maybe I just need to put acting in a drawer for a bit while I discover all other aspects of creating.
Or maybe not. Maybe I will discover what I really want to do.
One thing is for sure- acting has been the springboard for allowing myself to be creative, to take chances, to getting to know myself better. 

I've tried on the shoe- and it is the shoe I want, but I just don't think it's the right size.
I need to move on up.

This is an artist, who has no fucking clue what to do or is doing or is going to do in the future.

It's 12pm and I'm still in PJs, sitting in front of the computer with the puppy on my lap, contemplating life and decisions.

Just another regular Wednesday.

What I do need to do?
Get off my ass and DO.