Far Away

This is what I've felt like for a while now. Ironically, this flat tire (last week) broke me down (no pun intended) even further. 

It's weird. I feel like I'm in a relapse of some sort. I was doing very well for a record time (months!) and I just hit rock bottom. I'm trying to be optimistic, thinking this is just a step back to make a grander stride forward. 

These negative thoughts flood out my brain, suddenly I'm treading on mud and everything is hazy, distant. I start feeling useless and like nothing I do is good enough or even worth it; the "mean me" takes over every situation and ruins it- the worst part is, I believe it. And it's so hard to get out of that hole. I keep crying at the oddest times and places; everything hurts. The air is thick and it weighs me down. I'm an emotional wreck and because of that, I feel even worse being around people- who wants to hang out with someone falling?

And then I take a couple of deep breaths and remember to take it all moment by moment. Little by little. It eases the pain but I can't shake away the suffering. Feeling too much or too little/nothing at all, neither is good. Neither works. And neither bring me back to reality.

I know this is temporary and there is a way out (I've been here before and know it gets better) but some days it's just so hard, it seems impossible. 

Putting this out in the open somehow eases the burden; so if you've been reading- thanks. A lent ear is all it takes sometimes.

I promise a bouncier post soon. 


Howling at the moon

The moon has been pretty radiant this past week. Yellow-y to blinding light, it hangs up in the sky.
So... It inspired me to pop out out into the garden with my ukulele and croak out a tune.

It'd been a while but, man, it felt good.

Don't forget to look up at the night sky from time to time. You'll be surprised at how it can make you feel. 


In the beginning was the image...

The sound. The setting. The character.
A moving montage that reels you in, ready to transport you to the director's vision, another reality.


This weekend, out of nowhere, I started to think about my favourite movie openings and what it is about them that makes them stand out (for me, personally). 

Manhattan (1979) dir. Woody Allen

"New York was his town. And it always would be."
The city of New York will always work in your favour. And alongside Gerswhin? Oooof.
Even Allen's neurosis jus feels right- it captures that 'New Yorker' vibe; but it knows when to stop- to savour that last visual orgasm.

Raging Bull (1980) dir. Martin Scorcese

Simple yet powerful. Scorcese's got style.
I'm da boss. I'm da boss.

Trainspotting (1996) dir. Danny Boyle

How does that saying go- Live fast, die young?
Or Choose life?

2001: A Space Oddyssey (1968) dir. Stanley Kubrick

Kukrick in general always made excellent classical music choices. This is just one of the most memorable ones.
Blue Danube and zero gravity, amirite?

Pulp Fiction (1994) dir. Quentin Tarantino

Breakfast at Tiffany's (1961) dir. Blake Edwards

Henry Mancini's nostalgic 'Moon River' + 5th Ave + Audrey Hepburn in a LBD

There's a nice anecdote about this scene: the day of the shoot, production was worried about having to stave off passersby and hold up the expected 5th Avenue commotion; to their surprise, 5th Ave was as calm as they wished it would be.



Happy Easter!

Because nothing says Easter like Tom Hulce (aka Amadeus) in a unicorn headpiece and a cat with bunny ears.