On today's Funny Friday...

Remember the Golden days of Saturday Night Live? And remember the genius that was Jack Handey?
When I was in high-school I used to write sketches "for" Saturday Night Live. I even attempted a few Deep Thoughts and excerpts from My Big Thick Novel.
Yeah, they were never as funny...

"I believe in making the world safe for our children. But not for our children's children. Because children shouldn't be having sex." 

"Probably the saddest thing you'll ever see is a mosquito sucking on a mummy. Forget it, little friend!"*

"The face of a child can say it all. Especially the mouth part."

"One thing kids like is to be tricked. For instance, I was going to take my little nephew to Disneyland, but instead I drove him to an old burned-out warehouse. 'Oh no', I said, 'Disneyland burned down'. He cried and cried, but I think that deep down he thought it was a pretty good joke. I started to drive over to the real Disneyland, but it was getting pretty late."

"Is there anything more beautiful than a beautiful, beautiful flamingo, flying across in front of a beautiful sunset? And he's carrying a beautiful rose in his beak, and also he's carrying a very beautiful painting with his feet. And also, you're drunk."

 "If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is, 'God is crying'. And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is, 'Probably because of something you did'."

"The crows seemed to be calling his name, thought Caw." 

Have a fun Friday!

* This was my "senior quote" in my high-school yearbook. I think it clearly depicts the kind of person I am.