Far Away

This is what I've felt like for a while now. Ironically, this flat tire (last week) broke me down (no pun intended) even further. 

It's weird. I feel like I'm in a relapse of some sort. I was doing very well for a record time (months!) and I just hit rock bottom. I'm trying to be optimistic, thinking this is just a step back to make a grander stride forward. 

These negative thoughts flood out my brain, suddenly I'm treading on mud and everything is hazy, distant. I start feeling useless and like nothing I do is good enough or even worth it; the "mean me" takes over every situation and ruins it- the worst part is, I believe it. And it's so hard to get out of that hole. I keep crying at the oddest times and places; everything hurts. The air is thick and it weighs me down. I'm an emotional wreck and because of that, I feel even worse being around people- who wants to hang out with someone falling?

And then I take a couple of deep breaths and remember to take it all moment by moment. Little by little. It eases the pain but I can't shake away the suffering. Feeling too much or too little/nothing at all, neither is good. Neither works. And neither bring me back to reality.

I know this is temporary and there is a way out (I've been here before and know it gets better) but some days it's just so hard, it seems impossible. 

Putting this out in the open somehow eases the burden; so if you've been reading- thanks. A lent ear is all it takes sometimes.

I promise a bouncier post soon. 

Howling at the moon

The moon has been pretty radiant this past week. Yellow-y to blinding light, it hangs up in the sky.

So... It inspired me to pop out out into the garden with my ukulele and croak out a tune.

It'd been a while but, man, it felt good.

Don't forget to look up at the night sky from time to time. You'll be surprised at how it can make you feel. 

In the beginning was the image...

The sound. The setting. The character.

A moving montage that reels you in, ready to transport you to the director's vision, another reality.

*

This weekend, out of nowhere, I started to think about my favourite movie openings and what it is about them that makes them stand out (for me, personally). 

Manhattan (1979) dir. Woody Allen

"New York was his town. And it always would be."
The city of New York will always work in your favour. And alongside Gerswhin? Oooof.
Even Allen's neurosis jus feels right- it captures that 'New Yorker' vibe; but it knows when to stop- to savour that last visual orgasm.

Raging Bull (1980) dir. Martin Scorcese

Simple yet powerful. Scorcese's got style.
I'm da boss. I'm da boss.

Trainspotting (1996) dir. Danny Boyle

How does that saying go- Live fast, die young?

Or Choose life?

2001: A Space Oddyssey (1968) dir. Stanley Kubrick

Kukrick in general always made excellent classical music choices. This is just one of the most memorable ones.

Blue Danube and zero gravity, amirite?

Pulp Fiction (1994) dir. Quentin Tarantino

(because you have to hear Miserlou after that...)
Bad. Ass.

Breakfast at Tiffany's (1961) dir. Blake Edwards

Henry Mancini's nostalgic 'Moon River' + 5th Ave + Audrey Hepburn in a LBD

There's a nice anecdote about this scene: the day of the shoot, production was worried about having to stave off passersby and hold up the expected 5th Avenue commotion; to their surprise, 5th Ave was as calm as they wished it would be.

*

Happy Easter!

Because nothing says Easter like Tom Hulce (aka Amadeus) in a unicorn headpiece and a cat with bunny ears.

Amen.

Ye Olde Blogge

Life has been going on at full speed; not that I ever actually do update my blog, but it has been harder to do these past months. 

I went to New York to an incredible workshop where I danced my heart and feet out and met some awesome people. 

I came back home to a Ballet exam and to a performance. 

My last semester has been taking its toll on me emotionally and we are now finally ready to start our final presentation: a full length musical. 

 We had this week off; to Americans, it's Spring Break. For us, it's Holy Week (the week previous to Easter). I'm not much of a religious person, so to me it's just a nice week off (where I'll probably end up watching Jesus Christ Superstar because, well, it's fitting, no?). 

I went off to Veracruz to visit my grandmother and take some days off the web. Reading, eating, sleeping was done- to which I am grateful because it was much needed. 

Mexico City is pretty rad. 

Wednesday, the first day of April; a lazy day. 

Some more reading, film watching, nail painting, writing will be done. And it's days like these that make me happy. 

What is everyone reading? Or watching? 

And how is life? 

Ramble On

There's not much to say- or at least I don't feel like there is- except that I feel the need to write. 

I'm trying to get my life on track. No, that's not it. I'm trying to get myself to keep up with life, or the life I want.

The weeks have flown by already and I feel like there's so much I have and want to do but not enough hours in a day. And more so for me to rest or breathe or stop and take a look around and appreciate all that has happened and is happening.

I guess I am overwhelmed- and a little stressed; something I'm not happy about.

It's strange because I'm doing all I want to do, so shouldn't I be 'taking it easy' and just enjoying it?

I had a huge breakout on my face due to stress; it's a fair warning I'm taking as an opportunity to chill out and give myself whatever I need. Especially time out and time with myself.

In other happy/light news: I'll be in New York for two weeks soon!

Seriously, what am I even stressing about?! 

:)

Boyhood (And The Comeback of the Ish-Reviews)

Let's begin by asking what we've all been thinking (and by we, I mean me):

How is this the first film to do this?!

Followed by: 

How exactly does one tackle and take on an ambitious project?

To be honest, I wasn't very into it when it began. The concept? Yes. Big fan of that, but the beginning felt a little slow and imprecise in a "where is this going?" kind of way. 20 minutes later - after considering I had made a mistake choosing to watch it- I was taken in.

I may be a little biased because I'm a Linklater fan; and once the boy began talking and forming opinions of his own about the world, it was obvious it was a Linklater classic.
He has this way of tackling the ordinary day to day alike and revel in these deep philosophical questions we all ask ourselves about life at one point or another. There is enough and the equal amount of truth/reality and storytelling to keep one entertained and connected to the story and characters.

"You know how everyone's always saying seize the moment? I don't know, I'm kind of thinking it's the other way around, you know, like the moment seizes us."

A lot of things can happen and change in 10 years, that much is clear. But watching a little boy grow up to be a young man, a mother making a living and divorcing twice, a father getting his shit together and settling down later in life, a young girl facing and going through with a choice she made at a young age*, etc... It's as if you come to know these people.

The music, the key events in (now) history and the generational gaps enriched it all.

I remember hearing a song and being taken back to that time in my life; it was like a walk down memory lane for me, too. 

*sigh* My, how time flies.

"Everything? What's the point? I mean, I sure as shit don't know. Neither does anybody else, okay? We're all just winging it, you know? The good news is you're feeling stuff. And you've to hold on to that."

It's also refreshing to see a woman age naturally. Kudos to Patricia Arquette, not only for a great performance, but for being and keepin' it real. 

And to be shallow and fangirly, shout out to hottie Ethan Hawke as a father. He's got the charismatic and forever youthful character down. Grrr.

It was sort of like watching Jessie and Celine pre- Before Sunrise.

It is also like every actor's dream work scenario, I think. Working with the same people- who become your family- every year for a short period of time.
I'd be up for that, without a question.

And to answer my opening questions:

I'm sure many have thought it, but only the true adventurers follow it through.

You just do. And hope to God that the crew and cast are visionaries like you and don't give up.

Hey, that's kind of like life.

Have you seen it? What did you think about it?

* Apparently Lorelei Linklater regretted taking on the role as she got older, which is pretty apparent in the change of character and enthusiasm. Either way, it worked out.

The Years Shall Run Like Rabbits

Source

January has been good to me, therefore: 2015, you're too much.

And I like that.

+ I finished yet another semester!
Last night was our presentation and it went very well. There are still a lot of things to work on, but the work and improvement shows. Hard work is all it takes. Here's to more!

+ I did a week intensive dance course and it was AMAZING. Possibly one of the best experiences and fun I've had ever; not to mention learning experience, too. Oof.
February will take me back to it in good ole NYC.

<3 p="">

+ My sister is pregnant and doing well. I can't wait to meet the baby.

+ I feel good and necessary changes coming.

+ Weekends have been fun because they have been all about "Double Features".
I'm taking the Oscar race serious this year.
(I actually have a pending post on Boyhood, hope to post it up soon)

+ I'm happy. Happy, happy, happy. 

2015

via

Yes.

And more blog writing- as I always tell myself I will do. 

But you know what? I have a good feeling about 2015.

I really do.

:)