It Ain't Easy Being Green

Or an Actor. It's tough.

I remember watching a play next to my dad and him asking, "So, where's the prompter?"
I scoffed, feeling outraged, and said, "You learn the lines. There's no one there telling them what to say..."

He was surprised. He really had no idea! I wondered how many people thought the same or had the same misconceptions of acting.

People forget all the hard work behind it is made to look easy.

Like ballet. 

It takes practice. It takes courage. It takes many mistakes.

And it never ends, as with every art.

It's an on-going process.

As of last year I have had doubts about my being an actor. Not because I don't deem it a respectable profession or am worried about financial stability- rather... I don't know if I believe in myself in that respect. Yes, I have confidence issues, but it goes beyond that now.

One thing is certain: The Arts are my life.
I want to create. I want to work with artists. I want to surround myself with creative-ness. With creatives.

I just don't know if this is the path for me. At least, on stage.

What was once a passion of mine is now becoming a hobby. I know I'm pretty good at some things, but it just doesn't seem to do it for me anymore. I found myself thinking, "When I finish this course, I can get to doing what I really want."

But what is that what?

I haven't given myself the time or chance to write- I've been putting it off because I'm afraid of the usual. 

Afraid it won't be good. Afraid it won't work.

But it's the only thing I think about, so it has to mean something, right?

Maybe I just need to put acting in a drawer for a bit while I discover all other aspects of creating.

Or maybe not. Maybe I will discover what I really want to do.

One thing is for sure- acting has been the springboard for allowing myself to be creative, to take chances, to getting to know myself better. 

I've tried on the shoe- and it is the shoe I want, but I just don't think it's the right size.
I need to move on up.

This is an artist, who has no fucking clue what to do or is doing or is going to do in the future.

It's 12pm and I'm still in PJs, sitting in front of the computer with the puppy on my lap, contemplating life and decisions.

Just another regular Wednesday.

What I do need to do?

Get off my ass and DO.
Build.

Create.