It Ain't Easy Being Green

Or an Actor. It's tough.

I remember watching a play next to my dad and him asking, "So, where's the prompter?"
I scoffed, feeling outraged, and said, "You learn the lines. There's no one there telling them what to say..."

He was surprised. He really had no idea! I wondered how many people thought the same or had the same misconceptions of acting.

People forget all the hard work behind it is made to look easy.

Like ballet. 

It takes practice. It takes courage. It takes many mistakes.

And it never ends, as with every art.

It's an on-going process.

As of last year I have had doubts about my being an actor. Not because I don't deem it a respectable profession or am worried about financial stability- rather... I don't know if I believe in myself in that respect. Yes, I have confidence issues, but it goes beyond that now.

One thing is certain: The Arts are my life.
I want to create. I want to work with artists. I want to surround myself with creative-ness. With creatives.

I just don't know if this is the path for me. At least, on stage.

What was once a passion of mine is now becoming a hobby. I know I'm pretty good at some things, but it just doesn't seem to do it for me anymore. I found myself thinking, "When I finish this course, I can get to doing what I really want."

But what is that what?

I haven't given myself the time or chance to write- I've been putting it off because I'm afraid of the usual. 

Afraid it won't be good. Afraid it won't work.

But it's the only thing I think about, so it has to mean something, right?

Maybe I just need to put acting in a drawer for a bit while I discover all other aspects of creating.

Or maybe not. Maybe I will discover what I really want to do.

One thing is for sure- acting has been the springboard for allowing myself to be creative, to take chances, to getting to know myself better. 

I've tried on the shoe- and it is the shoe I want, but I just don't think it's the right size.
I need to move on up.

This is an artist, who has no fucking clue what to do or is doing or is going to do in the future.

It's 12pm and I'm still in PJs, sitting in front of the computer with the puppy on my lap, contemplating life and decisions.

Just another regular Wednesday.

What I do need to do?

Get off my ass and DO.
Build.

Create. 

You are what life is (or life is what you are)

                                      

                                                            Let's not forget this.

Like a Mixed Bag of Nuts

I guess Forrest Gump said is best: Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get.

I've been feeling a lot of everything lately and I don't know what to make of it. 

Today's weather isn't helping as the sky is grey and gloomy and the rain is inconsistent. 

What does one do on days like today?

Not go to school.

Spruce up the blog- which I'm not too certain about...

Drink tea. Lots and lots of tea. 

Cry a little.

Hover around the HappyLite

Plan.

Write, write, write.

I had a falling out with a cousin recently, which was the first event that got me down.

Then, a guy I really like and was (sort of) seeing said he only wanted to be friends.

Then, I got my period which pretty much screws everything up in my life- at least mood-wise. 

I fail to see the big picture and instead mope around, mourning the futility of life.

As most women do on these days. Or is it just me?

Babysitting my nephew and puppy (read on) only stressed me out more, making me feel incompetent and grouchy.

I fear not though. I know this is all temporary and I always get by it.

A lesson is learned with every experience, too, that's definitely true. 

So, here are some happy things!

I got a puppy. His name is Pepino*.

He is a Pomeranian and Yorkie mix.

He is the funniest/ cutest being in my life right now. 

Any puppy training advice/tips are greatly appreciated!

I'll be heading down to Brazil soon and hope to visit my best friend in Argentina while I'm at it.

Despite my morose disposition on display here, I am quite content with myself in many areas of my life. I feel like I am finally making strides forward to a clearer and happier future/me.

I have a whole lot of books piled up, waiting to be read and snuggled with.

I have an amazing group of friends. 

So, if you're just having one of those days, do what I do and just tell yourself:

I  CAN

* Pepino is cucumber in spanish. He's got a lot of nicknames, cuke being one of them. 

What does one do with a case of writer's block, laziness and procrastination?

Or, more to the point, what do you do with a BA in English?

Peanut butter sammie in hand and a cuppa tea in sight, I sit in front of the computer and stare into the void (i.e. screen). This is a habit I'm trying to break; waiting for inspiration, I mean. 

Ideas I have many, it's just that I don't sit down and write. 

The inner-voice-judge stops me every single time, without even giving myself a chance.

So I think it's high time I picked up The Artist's Way again- seriously- and give it a go.